Hail, traveler! Pull up a seat and rejoice in essentially the most splendid day on the Fódlan calendar.
For you see, this present day of December the twentieth (AKA the month of the Ethereal Moon), is the birthday of Lord Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd — inheritor to the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, the venerable Boar Prince, and an authorized hottie, regardless of what that bizarre Reddit submit as soon as claimed.
‘Tis on this wonderful event that we pledge our everlasting allegiance to the Blue Lions home, with music and dance, or maybe a high quality reward worthy of Lord Dimitri’s reward. Sylvain has introduced a gaudy trinket bearing the crest of Home Gautier. Annette provides a tome containing wonders untold. Dedue has introduced the severed head of his enemy, which is kinda gross however he’s doing his greatest.
Wh-what’s that, traveler? You’re questioning the validity of an article celebrating the birthday of a personality from a sport that got here out 4 years in the past?
Maintain thine tongue! It’s only via dire misadventure that I haven’t penned a bit chronicling Lord Dimitri’s birthday yearly (I hadn’t considered it till now), and I posit that I’ve been furthering the Faerghus agenda surreptitiously for a lot of a season now.
Right here is an article the place I champion the values of the Blue Lions. Right here is an article the place I invite Dimitri to a tea get together. Here’s a image of my cat Samantha.
As you may see, the proof is irrefutable that I’m essentially the most certified to want our lord and savior a cheerful birthday, the timing of which is basically irrelevant.
Talking of irrelevant, this is able to even be a most opportune time to remind you of the atrocities dedicated by the infamous conflict prison Edelgard von Hresvelg — the blood-stained tyrant of the Adrestian Empire, perverse fanatic of Hegemon Husks, and a girl whose surname seems to be like a canine vomited out numerous Scrabble tiles.
To even evoke her reminiscence on this holy day is sin, and I might encourage you to desecrate any and all paraphernalia associated to her home and adjoining homes. This may function your birthday current to Lord Dimitri. He can be fairly enthused, and may even immediate you to “kill each final considered one of them”. Don’t be alarmed, I swear that is simply him being pleasant.
Nonetheless not satisfied of how vital December twentieth is? Then chances are you’ll have an interest to be taught that it’s also the birthday of soccer celebrity Kylian Mbappé, pop singer Suzuka Nakamoto, and TV actor Bob Morley, who I believed was purported to be a misspelling of Bob Marley till I clicked on his profile image.
These individuals will not be associated on to Lord Dimitri (not less than, as I perceive the Blaiddyd household tree), nevertheless I’ve each motive to imagine that they are going to be equally as celebratory that they too have been birthed on this magnificent day.
Oh certain, some heathens might have moved onto shiny new toys in 2023, comparable to Hearth Emblem Interact, what with its highfalutin magical rings that permit for a superior gameplay expertise — excellent and refined inside linking Anthony, Lord Dimitri can be happy — however the troopers on provide pale compared to our humble chief.
As an example, have been you conscious that December twenty second is Kagetsu’s birthday? Who or what’s a Kagetsu, precisely? Positively not a stalwart champion who will carry our kingdom right into a blessed period of prosperity, with actually wonderful blond hair and an eyepatch that makes him resemble King Bradley from Fullmetal Alchemist.
Kagetsu? Extra like Neglect-you, you godforsaken son of a promiscuous okapi.
No, us true followers know that Lord Dimitri is our one shining gentle, and to stray from his path is to spit within the eye of the gods themselves. There can be no spitting at this party, traveler. Simply balloons, and confetti, and an outsized novelty cake (with completely no candles underneath any circumstance, as a result of Dimitri is kinda freaked out by hearth).
We hope that you’ve discovered this expertise edifying. Earlier than thine egress from the premises, you might be to kiss the ring of Lord Dimitri on bended knee. In case you’d like, you may additionally kiss my ring too. I purchased it from Walmart and it has a cool image of a cranium on it.
Did you get pleasure from this text? In that case, make sure you learn why I wish to maintain arms with Raphael from Hearth Emblem: Three Homes. He’s a scummy Golden Deer renegade, however don’t maintain that towards him.
Did you hate this text? Properly then, darn. I’ll strive tougher subsequent time.